When training clients in collaborative problem-solving (conflict resolution) skills, they occasionally joke, “Okay, fine, but this would never work with my kids!” Before becoming a parent, I did not have any credibility in that department, but now I do, and I am increasingly surprised by….how well collaborative problem-solving principles DO appear to work with kids–even my own! Here’s a quick true story from our recent family holiday with relatives. Enjoy!
“The Bow: A Tale of Christmas Eve Conflict Resolution”
It’s Christmas Eve, and 4 yr-old S and her older cousin, “K” are tugging back and forth over a golden stick-on bow and screaming. “Give it back!” “No! It’s mine!”
Managing to break them apart for a moment, I ask, “What’s going on, you two?”
“K took my bow,” S complained, tears steaming.
“But I found it first,” K argued. “She took it from me!”
“Can we talk about this?” I asked. They both agreed. “So, it sounds like you both want the bow, right?” They both nodded. I asked them each WHY they wanted the bow (rather than get caught up in who had it first or who the “rightful” owner was.
S explained that she wanted to bring the bow home to put on her window sill.
K explained that he wanted to put the bow on one of the gifts under the tree.
In a matter of seconds, they both agreed that K would get the bow and then put it on S present so that she could then bring it home with her.
The agreement held!
Leave a Reply
Your email is safe with us.